therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
