Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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