If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
where am i from again
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
