i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You're a waste of cheezeits
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
