Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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