I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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