It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
