Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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