we have officially lost it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
