Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
