the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
