Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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