Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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