I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
