the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
