He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
