Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
