you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
