his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
