the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
