Four minutes until I can fart!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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