My friends, they love my intelligence
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
