Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
