thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
