Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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