I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
