Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
