Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
