I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
