Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
