Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
