I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
