She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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