i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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