wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
