We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
