At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
