It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
