So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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