Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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