and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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