How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
