Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
