Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize