grandma shit on top of the toilet
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
