My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
