He is an equal opportunity slut.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
