So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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