I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
