She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
