New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
