maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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