I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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