Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
