Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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